the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
