I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
