i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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