why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
