I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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