You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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