i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
