I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
