discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
