He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
