I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
