I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
