So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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