just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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