I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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