please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
