i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
