I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
