i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
