It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
