I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
