I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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