i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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