You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
