I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
