We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
