got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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