i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
