Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
