he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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