If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
