I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
