Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
