Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
