capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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