around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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