you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
