Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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