idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
