It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
