I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
