her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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