Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
