i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
