Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
