doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
