Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
