billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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