i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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