Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
