Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
